Weaning, Growing, and Dealing

So...we (the man, Ren and I) are about 1/2 way through his being gone. This is counting the training and deployment...so YaY! I was thinking the other day about how I deal with the man being gone for so long....and I came to the conclusion that I "just do". Not a very clear answer I know....I knew when we married that he would deploy and he has 4 times now...so this is not new to me. Although not living in my own home, staying with family and having Ren are all new things this go round. I am so grateful that my sister and her family were willing to open their home to Ren and I...and our two pups Elliot and Austin. We are a lot of extra to add to a busy home. I love that Ren gets to play with his cousins and spends time with his aunties and uncles. I know he will not remember our time here...but I will. So back to the deployment stuff....I know and accept the fact that the man is deployed and there is nothing I can do to change that...so I choose to enjoy myself, stay busy and not watch the news while he is away. I made the mistake of watching the news his first deployment....I was stressed all the time, didn't sleep well and worried over something I have no control over...so that is something that I do not do. I am working on the quilt (something I do have control over)....I have all my strips sewn in sets of six.....now the cutting down to block size and then the magic of piecing the blocks together.....I can't wait to see how it all turns out.

Ren is growing like a little weed. I can't believe that his is already ONE! We started weaning....Oh I stressed about this...I knew that I was finished ( I intended on nursing Ren to at least one year but no longer than 18 months)...that I did not want to nurse anymore about 2 weeks ago. So...I stopped all day time nursies....including the nap ones. That was not fun....Ren cried and cried at nap time....but then the other day it was like magic was in the air. I took him to the bedroom, told him it was nap time and started to lay him in his crib...he started crying and reached his hand out for my bed....so I laid him down on my bed and he settled down on his tummy with his lil hands tucked underneath him and started talking himself down to sleep. I patted his little back and sang him our night-night songs...in under TEN minutes he was asleep...no crying, no fussing, no nursies....and he slept for a little over one hour...which is pretty phenomenal for him. And then last night and tonight when I carried him into the room...all ready for bed....he settled on my shoulder, tucked his lil hands between him and I....no twisting his body for nursies, pinching me....or crying...I sang him our songs and prayed over him....and put him in his bed....Ren cried for 2 to 4 minutes and then asleep.....sweet baby....although not a baby anymore. I still nurse him in the morning when I put him in bed with me sometime after 5 am....but I have a feeling that he will not nurse at all for very much longer. Bittersweet....I am going to miss our time together.....we started nursing as soon as he was born....right after they wrapped him in his lil blanket. There is nothing I can compare this past year too....nothing I have ever done in my life comes close to the wonder-filled moments of being a Mama.

today

Some days just rush by
and others
they are slow
and sometimes there is
loveliness in those slow days
not a dragging by
but time spent sitting
with a sweet babe on my lap
he is sleepy and wants to nurse
all
day
long
and instead of rushing
around
trying to accomplish
this or that
that or this
i get to sit
and marvel
at these slow days
at the wonder of being
being a mama
the beauty of my babe
and
slowly
enjoy
the day.

3 weeks today...

My baby...he is sleeping right now...which is a good thing. He is sleeping in the bouncy chair, the same bouncy chair he slept so well in yesterday...the very same chair he would not sleep in last night. I don't understand this...this night thing....of not sleeping well. I worry it is that he is not getting enough breast milk, maybe I am not awake enough to ensure that he gets a full belly so he nibbles all night long....which makes for a tired Mama. I am okay by 10am usually...and then need an afternoon nap with him so I can do the nights. Hubby has taken to the guest room bed.....and I don't blame him...I worried about his sleep and it is better for me to stay in the room then try to get comfortable in the living room. So, today I am going to try to keep him up a little...not so many nice naps...maybe that will help his night sleeps. We do the whole bright lights, outdoor walks it's DAY TIME little one and then soft voices, low lights and not much interaction for night.

We head to the doc tomorrow to weigh in again. I am hoping and praying that Ren has gained the required 4 oz or more. He seems to be a growing and content baby...if he was not getting enough milkies than I am sure he would be a crying non-sleeping, not-content little boy.

Any advice..I've been reading lots....but you know babies don't come with an instruction manual and if they did...well every manual would have to be different. We are partly co-sleeping after the initial wake up around 1-2am Ren stays with me...but I worry about him sleeping with me and although I know that co-sleeping will work...the problem is that Ren is not getting sleep from that first wake up (1-2am) until 7 or 8 am. We are going to try the crib...with out the sleep positioner (it has a slight incline) for naps today.

So...yeah..any advice for this new tired mama? I sure would appreciate it.

7 Quick Takes (April 17)

1.
I did not know that breastfeeding would stress me out this much...I worry over Ren, I knew that as a Mama I would worry over him (that started the moment I knew I was pregnant). But with his weight at birth: 7pd 8oz, week 1: 6pds 10oz, week 2: 6pds 14oz...the doc said that his weight gain was slow but was not worried as long as he gained 1/2 oz a day. I just worry over him...getting enough milk, sleeping well, enough poo diapers...I have been praying over Ren and also for peace and Mama wisdom.

2.
My house is a mess...these floors need vacuumed and mopped, the bathrooms...the laundry...augh...I am keeping up with the dishes though and the recycling makes it to the correct containers in the garage. I am hoping to get in a groove here so that the housework does not seem so overwhelming.

3.
Ren is an easy baby so far...aside from just not sleeping well at night...he is pretty restless and does not stay down for more than 2 hours. So we have some snuggle time in the morning after he eats and I let him sleep on my chest....I so love this sweet time and know that it is fleeting.

4.
We bought the ingredients for the meals that I wanted to have made before Ren's arrival. Now to just carve out the time to make them. I am hoping that I can work on them one at a time during Ren's awake time in the afternoon. He is pretty content to sit in the bouncy chair and look around while I talk to him.

5.
Elliot is feeling a bit left out... he wants to get on the chair or ottoman when I am feeding Ren...I don't want him on the baby blankets...he just looks at me a little sad and curls up on the floor beside the chair. My sweet fur-baby...so sorry Elliot.

6.
Reading the blogs about sick babies and families that have lost their little ones....I just can't do it anymore...I know that this loss happens daily...I just get overwhelmed and stressed by it all.

7.
Oh and check out Jen at Conversion Diary.