Wonderment

Today my heart
it spilled
wet tears of joy
down my cheeks.

I can't believe that I have a son!
One of my very own to love and nurture,
to watch him grow and
guide him as he discovers the world.

I am so blessed and filled
with the wonder of being
his Mama.

Just around the bend

Big changes just around the bend here in my paradise. Hubs is headed to Afghanistan in March but has an almost 3 month training starting the beginning of January...he will be gone until October sometime. So Ren, Elliot, Austin and I are moving to South Carolina while he is gone. This whole time is bittersweet as I am looking forward to seeing my sisters (I have 7 of them), their families, my parents and all my friends back home...but will miss my Hubs achingly while we are apart. I never really understood the sacrifice that our military men, women and their families make for our freedoms until I become one of those families. Hubs is going to miss a great deal of wonder-filled firsts with Ren and that makes my heart hurt just thinking about it. Ren will probably not really know his daddy when he returns although we have quite a few plans up our sleeves so that he will "see" his daddy everyday.

I am planning on taking a few creative classes while I am in SC, a cake decorating class, a pottery class and if I can find it a stained glass or blowing glass class, I am looking forward to tapping into my creative side and learn new things. I also have lots of fabric for a quilt (yes the very same fabric from sometime last summer) and I am taking all my beading and jewelry making stuff. With this move looming in the near future and lots to do to prepare for it. I am not sure about what to do for the holidays round here.

I'm ready to decorate for Fall, but do I get all the stuff out for it and then transition to Thanksgiving and Christmas? I just can't decide. A part of me just wants to keep the next thirteen weeks (oh.my.gosh.only.thirteen.weeks) as simple as possible and another part of me wants to go all out...this is Ren's firsts after all.

On top of everything else we might be selling the house while we are away so I need to make it ready to "show" and make sure everything is in its proper place so if we are packed out (the movers come) while we are away I won't have too many surprise boxes (nothing like opening a box that has kitchen written on it and there is nothing in it that should ever go in the kitchen). We are going to have to go through our storage room and attic and give/sale/donate the "stuff" that has accumulated in the past 2.5 years (not to mention the boxes that we tote around from house to house but never open to use the contents).

I don't know if I am ready for all the work ahead...I know that I am going to have to use my time very wisely the next couple months so I can get everything done and not be stressed when we are ready to move.
We don't know where we might move to next year...I am anticipating something good (I hope) and just trying to take all these changes in stride.

Sleep oh please sleep...

Oh my sweet baby is a fighter. This boy does not want to go to sleep. We got back from a week vacation and every time I put him down after he has fallen asleep from nursing he wakes right up and starts crying. So last night DH put him down and the poor thing cried all night(with us checking on him every 15 minutes)....I cried too. When he woke from finally sleeping around 4:45am I got up and got him, nursed and let him sleep with me, I simply couldn't imagine him crying the morning away. So DH is checking on him every 15 minutes and tells him he is loved and rubs his tummy....and still he cries and cries and cries. Tonight he went down at 8:34pm it's 9pm and he is still crying....Oh my Lord....I do not like this. I don't want him to depend on me to go to sleep and I do not want him sleeping with us but I do not like for him to cry like this. Everything we have read tells us that this will take a week or less...I sure hope so, I don't know if my lil mama heart can take much more of this crying.
So, any advice? Did you let your little ones cry to sleep? How long did it take?

today

Some days just rush by
and others
they are slow
and sometimes there is
loveliness in those slow days
not a dragging by
but time spent sitting
with a sweet babe on my lap
he is sleepy and wants to nurse
all
day
long
and instead of rushing
around
trying to accomplish
this or that
that or this
i get to sit
and marvel
at these slow days
at the wonder of being
being a mama
the beauty of my babe
and
slowly
enjoy
the day.

Magic

There is Magic in these moments, my days are quickly passing by....


We have settled into some nice predictable days here....I wouldn't say a schedule...I am not a schedule type Mama at all. But Ren is sleeping for 6 to 8 hours a night, breastfeeding and taking his naps during the day well....
Our days go something like this
7-7:30am wake up, diaper change, then we head to the floor for play time
8:30-45ish nurses and down for naps
10:30ish up from naps, diaper change, get dressed for the day and off to do errands
between 12 and 1; nurses, has playtime then down for naps
around 3-3:30 up from naps, diaper change and then more errands or playtime, reading, helping (watching) mama clean, etc...
by 5pm usually nursing, then more playtime, helping Mama or playing with Daddy
diaper change
7pm nursing , quiet play, reading
8pm bathtime
massage, PJ's, books, prayers, nursing
Ren falls asleep between 9 and 10pm and sleeps until between 4 or 6am, nurses and goes back to sleep.
So this Mama can't complain too much. I love these days...seems like there is magic in the air, Ren's giggles, sighs, babbles and sweet baby snuggles are the best! I knew that I would love being a Mama....but I had no idea the depth of this...of these magic days of love.....
Ren and his new Snuggle Bunny from Nova Naturals, I love their stuff and after looking through their catalog....so many things to buy for Ren as he grows and discovers the world around him.

I am planning on introducing Ren to solids between his 6th and 7th month and am reading (Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron) and preparing to start making his food. I am excited about this transition that is coming up but am not looking forward to the change in poo....yuck!

Speaking of poo...lol..the cloth diapers are still going fabulous...I wash every other day some times every third day and the clothing line outside is a huge time saver. None of the things that I stressed about (getting build up, using the wrong detergent, the diapers retaining smell) have happened and I am loving the Organic Bum Genuis more than I initially thought that I would. They are super absorbent, less bulky and I do not have to stuff them. Although they take longer to dry then the others hanging them outside eliminates that issue altogether.

We already talk of adding to our family..and as much as I want to I know that I am not ready just yet.....and still exclusively breast feeding helps me not stress too much about getting pregnant as my chances are pretty low. If we do, we do...I just don't want to take anytime away from Ren right now. I know that time is fleeting and I will never have this time again...the time of only one child to give my time too. I love the time I get to spend with Ren and the magic of each and every day that we have.

One Year Later!

Fourth of July 2008 was a weird one....Hubby had recently returned from Iraq (to which I was abundantly grateful), we were recovering emotionally from a failed adoption ((hubby was still in Iraq) I had that sweet baby for 5 days...home from the hospital...when the birth-mother changed her mind), we were on infertility meds yet again (for the umpteenth time in 5 years) and my cycle had just started which meant that we were not pregnant once again. I was missing my family and overwhelmed with the prospects/decisions in front of us. Do we continue fertility meds? Do we do another IUI procedure? Do we stop "trying" all together? Do we continue our adoption paperwork and try to adopt again? Do we just stop everything? We wanted to start our little family so much. There we were sitting in this big open field, waiting for an awesome fireworks display....kids running all around us...and me tears running down trying to take it all in and sending up silent prayers to God...asking for a sweet baby...
And here we are one year later...July 2008 was the month that we conceived Ren...he is now 3 1/2 months old and we could not imagine our lives with out this little miracle boy. God saw my tears and answered my prayers!
Here we are, that same field, exactly one year later! God is so wonderful to us!!!

whew....

Well, it sure has been a while...we have been quite busy here in our little Paradise...Ren is fully cloth diapered now...we are loving the Bum Genius 3.0 diapers....I love the colors too! We end up washing diapers every other day and Hubs has hung a laundry line for me so these little babes are hanging dry in my backyard every other day.
Ren is 13 weeks now....my baby is 3 months old! Time is just flying by. We have traveled quite a bit since the last 2 weeks of May....we have made trips to Paris, TX; Prattville, AL; Columbia, SC; Greenville SC; Rutherfordton, NC; Atlantic Beach, NC and next week San Antonio, TX. I think that will be the last trip (aside from some weekend trips back to Paris) for quite a while. Ren has traveled more in his first 3 months than most little ones I know....I'm not sure if that makes us crazy or just busy on the go people.
We have settled into a bit of a routine around here (even with all the traveling) and Ren is sleeping through the night (most nights). I am still adjusting to time management and getting house keeping done. I am hoping to get some of the furniture in the house re-arranged to make the spaces seem bigger, less cluttered and house keeping a little easier.
We are still exclusively breast feeding...something that has gotten much easier and a lot less stressful as the weeks have gone by. Reading books, singing songs, helping me with the dishes (you know watching from the bouncy chair), learning to cook and fold laundry...hahaha....are all things that are keeping Ren and I very busy....and then there are; play dates, lunches with Daddy and friends, grocery shopping and running errands....Ren is learning a lot!
I love watching Ren discover the world around him and can't wait to show him more and more!
Oh...and I got the new iPhone! Very exciting...mucho pictures and an awesome app called Baby Brain that is helping me track Ren's sleep habits and times, diapers and nursing times.
We are just scooting along.....excited about the 4th of July celebrations this weekend and fireworks!
I hope you have a safe and happy 4th of July!