Peace in Chaos

I LOVE carrying my lil PeaPie....I love wearing him. This photo was taken on Saturday. We were at my sister's house at a family reunion....ALL of my family was there....except my Man....I have 7 sisters and their men and our 16 kiddos plus my mom and dad....ALL of us and it was busy and loud and a lot was going on. So much that my PeaPie would not lay down for naps. I tried everything...nothing seemed to be working. So out came my Ergo and in Ren went. He drank a little milk, had a couple bites of snack and then I walked to a quieter corner of my sister's kitchen and swayed and rocked my lil Ren to sleep. I didn't want to walk out of the noise and happy chaos that was happening all around us...I didn't want him to wake if I walked from a quiet room to a loud one. ...He slept there against my heart for a hour or so....and I loved every moment of it. Ren is 17 months and a week now....and I don't get a chance to wear him very often or for very long...as he is always on the go....he's my busy busy bee....I am so grateful that I had my Ergo in the back of my car...that Ren was able to nap....and that I was able to quiet my heart and find peace in a happy chaotic day.

Do/Did you wear your babies...if so what is one of your favorite babywearing memories?

What a difference a year makes!

Oh my, how my heart fills and spills with love for this boy....my boy...my heart!



My Sweet PeaPie one year ago this past month...tasting his first foods and loving it....and then ONE year later enjoying Butternut Squash Puree with Parmesan Cheese over Pasta.



First time sitting in a highchair at a restaurant one year ago and here he is today....cleaning up a bowl of cheese sauce with some chips....not to mention licking the bowl clean!


Ren is a full 17 months and one day....whew he is almost 1 and 1/2...time she is flying and I am so very grateful that I am able to stay at home and watch Ren grow. He has an amazing vocabulary and is learning new words every day...Mama...Mama...Mama is by far my favorite....I always answer with Yes, Love? and sometimes he just grins and my heart it leaps and I can't help but to smile....and sometimes he asks for a snack or a book or his cuppa-cup. Ren loves Saushage and Eggs...he asks for them every morning and sometimes even gets the pans out...and when I ask him what he is doing he replies...Cook....What are you going to cook Ren? I ask....Saushage...Egg is his reply. And most days I just have to make him his saushage and egg...I mean how can I resist such a sweet request from my favorite boy?

We are reading lots and lots of books. Ren's favorite night time books are:
Going to Sleep on the Farm (he calls it How)
Goodnight Gorilla (GRilla)
Sometimes I like to Curl up in a Ball
On Noah's Ark (Ark)
Little By Little (the hardcover not the paperback...they are different)
Guess How Much I Love You
Where the Wild Things Are
The Going to Bed Book

Ren and I read through these books every night before he goes to sleep. We snuggle up on my bed....Ren settles into some soft pillows or lays on my belly or in the crook of my arm and we read...and read and sometimes read his favorite of the night several times. I love that he loves books....that he is already entranced by them.

I can only imagine what he will be like a year from now....I love this journey of being a Mama...of being his Mama...of loving Ren and watching him grow and learn and change!

What are/were some of your favorite night time books for your little ones?

Love and Marriage

I've been thinking about my love...my husband....my Man...and in that thinking comes the thinking of marriage and love and the wonder and beauty of this relationship (and not just mine...but many of the other wonderful marriage relationships that I am able to bear witness to). We have been married for 7 years, 7 months and 2 days my Man and I. And while our relationship has had its share of joys and sorrows...it has remained...a strong and sure place that we can turn to. Dealing with unknown infertility issues for 5 of those 7 years, moving to a distant and foreign country, grieving the loss of a failed adoption and enduring a number of separations have proven the strength and fortitude of our marriage. Choosing to only rely on each other and our relationships with God instead of turning to friends or family has been key for us. Because we married 6 weeks after we met in-person, the Man and I had a lot of learning about each other to do (which was a lot of fun and required a lot of grace on both ends) after we said I do.

The keen and wonder-ness and beauty about it all...that catches me in thought sometimes and gives me pause....is this;
This man that I married, that I pledged my life to...who I did not "know" (although I absolutely knew him) when I placed a ring on his finger and accepted one on mine...is my best friend, the one I want to lay in the dark next to and talk and dream and laugh and cry with and share my life...our life with all its ups and downs...this man that I did not even know he existed 7 years, 8 months and 10 days ago.
Isn't love and the choice of loving someone with your head as well as your heart grand?!
(This picture, the Man and I, Aug 2006, Mt. Nemrut, Turkey)

Time for change

Well.....it's time to change things up a bit. Not that I am no longer living in my own paradise but somehow that title just didn't seem to do it for me anymore. I AM however, living life by the handfuls....very generous handfuls. Sometimes those handfuls are a bit overwhelming and usually they keep me very busy....or as busy as I want to be. Mostly I want to be busy...SHHHH...it helps pass the time. And time...she is passing by...much too slow some days and others much to quickly! Can you believe that my lil PeaPie is 16 months old now? He is a walking and a talking and keeping me very busy....I live for naps and bath time.

This morning Ren wanted a bath in the middle of breakfast....so I put a lid on the cheesy scrambles and sausage and ran a bath so he could play. A nice cup of coffee for me (I am totally turning into a coffee drinker), some sweet tunes on Pandora and I got a bill paid and a facial! Whooohoooo....a great start to my Monday morning.

I've been working on a couple projects and will be posting pictures soon. I have some much stuff (in my head) that I would love to do...learn to do...become better at...and I have started working on some of it or have started organizing my thoughts so that I can work on them.

I hope you continue to visit me in this little space of mine. There are a bunch of you reading/following and I don't know you personally...I am so glad to see you....I would love to hear from you and get to know who you are....as well as answer any questions...or just hear from you what you would like to hear from me.

Thoughts

I have not written in so long
because
Sometimes it is easier to
not write
not speak of
my stress
my fears
my loneliness.

The Man is still gone

away

an ocean and more apart
and it hurts my heart
to have him so far from me.

We spoke today
on video chat (I am so grateful)
and he looked so sad
and stressed
and worn.

He needs me
to sit down and have a chat
while he rests in my arms.

I need him
to sit down and have a chat
while I rest in his arms.

I need to make him a meal
full of love and goodness
a meal that only I can cook.

Somehow cooking
helps heal my heart
and his eating of my love
heals his.

To say my heart it now
bears a heavier burden
would be truth.
But I cannot sit and tell
and pour it out...
If I could
I would
but I cannot.

My Life...Our Kid Names

Kelly at Kelly's Korner hosts Show us your life on Friday's and today's theme is your kids or (future kids) names.
When the Man and I met, we knew we wanted a family....when we married we wanted to wait for at least one year before we had little ones...you know so we would have time to get to know each other and settle in our marriage. Little did we know that it would take 6 years of trying after that 1st year of not trying to have our very own little one. Since we had all that time...we talked about names and we talked some more and we talked some more....and you think with all that talking we would have settled in on a name or two.
Well, when we found out we were in fact expecting a little miracle...the name talk started all over again. The Man is the 3rd and he wanted to name our son the 4th...and I did not really want to. Mainly because all the variations of the Man's first and middle names have been used in his family and they are very traditional names and I am not such a traditional name girl. So we talked and talked and went round and round....and decided to name our son the 4th....but call him something else. Which sparked a whole new conversation....I didn't want to just call our son any name and I wanted it to have meaning or significance to us...to our families. And Reynold is my paternal grandfathers name...we called him Granpa Ren...and I love him and miss him dearly. So, I asked the Man what he thought about Ren....and he liked it...and so Ren it is. Ren's legal name is the 4th and his given name is Ren.
If we have a little girl in the future...we had decided on a name but I keep changing my mind about the first name. Her middle name will be Noelle after my father (his name is Noel). We had decided on Alexandria for the first name and we would call her Alexa but I don't know. I LOVE Audrey....but the Man he's not so sure and if we were to have another little boy....well lots and lots of nights and days will be dedicated to play the name game all over again.

Embracing Rest

Putting Ren down for naps is a lesson in patience, persistence and grace. He fights going to sleep almost.every.single.time. As I am holding him, singing over him, willing him to lay his head on his Mama and sleep...he fights it. Bends and twists, asks for a cup, tries to climb over my shoulder and cries and cries. So, I keep singing, keep holding, keep willing him to lay his head and he eventually does. And when he does stop, he stops fighting all together...not even a whimper....and he relaxes his little body on mine and he closes his eyes and embraces the rest that I am offering him....and today as he laid in my arms, concentrating on keeping his little eyes closed....he smiled...and then smiled again.... and then slept. And my lil Mama heart leaped for joy! Joy that he is resting, that he is trusting...that he loves me and that I love him.

In this time of a hushed room, a time set aside so my little one can rest...God spoke to my heart. And He showed me a picture of myself and my relationship with Him. And this scripture ran through my mind again and again...“Come unto Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

And there I am sitting in my Heavenly Father's lap....crying and squirming, trying to escape, asking for something different...anything to not rest. And my Father waits and persists and sings and holds and desires for me to find rest in Him. Because He loves me so...and because I love Him.

Isn't is amazing that HE...the Creator of the universe can love us so....can speak to our hearts? I am embracing rest...His rest...rest for my weary soul.