Struck so

I found myself in an interesting place today...a place that I thought that I had traveled and navigated enough that I would not visit it again.

My Red Tent time has come and
I am saddened...I hoped and prayed and pleaded
One would think after all this time
of
Five
Years
of
Unexplained
Infertility

and

then

the Joyous Birth and Life of my Little Ren

that I would not be struck with sadness so.
At least
I did not anticipate this overwhelming feeling
of loss.

I'm almost not sure how to take it...but I will get on this little sad boat and let the wind blow me as it may...because if there is one thing that I have learned in my life is that you have to let things take their course...and you have to recognize the root and heart of yourself...and you have to accept it....and then you keep going....hoping, praying and pleading.

Good Food

You know I LOVE good food...and this dinner I made last night was SO GOOD....too good to not pass along...
Chicken Sausage, Tomato and Feta with Pasta
So I made this dinner tonight...It was SOOO GOOD!!!
Recipe by: Nili

The grocery store had chicken sausage with spinach and feta...so I picked that up. You could probably use a regular chicken or turkey sausage with this too.
I made this for 4 adults

Linguine pasta (how ever much you need for you family)
8 small tomatoes ( I would get the vine/organic ones for best flavor) chopped...you will need all the tomato juice too.
1 lrg clove of garlic chopped
1 TBSP of good olive oil
1/2 cup (of more if you like) of crumbled Feta Cheese (mine was a tomato basil feta)
package (mine had 5) of chicken sausage

I also oven roasted asparagus (4 spears per adult).
Put water on to boil for the pasta...make sure you salt it.
Pour the olive oil in a skillet pan over med heat cook the sausage.
After the sausage is done remove from the pan or just pull to one side of the pan.
Add the chopped garlic and allow to cook for a minute or two.
Add the chopped tomatoes and all the tomato juice and a little salt.
Deglaze the pan with the tomato mixture.

Drain the pasta and put in a large serving bowl...pour the tomatoes and all the sauce from the pan on top of the pasta.
Add the crumbled feta cheese and toss.

Serve with sausage, and asparagus along with hot crusty bread and a glass of wine...
Enjoy!!!

Eighteen....

My dear sweet Lil PeaPie is 18 months.....I.Can.Hardly.Believe.It.

This is Ren last year....9 months old.....and this...this is Ren this year....

All Big.Boy.Eighteen.Months.Big.....I don't need the strollie thank you very much Mama, I can walk the whole zoo by myself....Big. So Big....

that Ren can now milk the fake cow at the zoo, BIG.

Ren is busy....waking way to early for this Mama and ready to go as soon as his feet hit the floor. He loves his cuppa-cup of mulk or wawa, apples, cheese, grapes, spaghetti, ham, saushage, eggs, toast, PB&J and ice....and what ever Mama is eating too. And he can feed himself too....a bit lands on the floor and a bit on his shirt and a bit in his mouth....he's getting the hang of the fork and spoon though...bit by bit.

Animal books are the tops for my PeaPie and the Giraffe seems to take the cake. and then lions, elephants, hippos, dogs, cats and...and........we have a Book of 100 Animals and he knows about 80 of them. Noah's Ark books are read and re-read...the animals are pointed out and Ren makes their noise...his cuter than cute version of their sound.

Ren is asking please...and help...and is learning my big family....my seven sisters and who goes with them. His I-een (Aunt Irene), DayDay (Uncle David), Emlee (Cousin Emily) and Dan-L (Cousin Daniel) are his family... He even knows how to yell for them when dinner is ready... I know my Ren will be sad when we move next week. And I know that I will be sad too....and I know that I have my work cut out for me to keep him busy and play with him like my wonderful niece and nephew do. Not to mention the time, love and attention my sister pays to him. Going from a busy house of 6 to a quieter one of 3 is going to be a big change. But I also know that settling into our life...our home...with our beloved DaDa is going to be wonderful and long awaited.

Big.....So Big.....and getting Bigger every day...these past eighteen months have flown by and my Lil PeaPie is now more closer to TWO than ONE.

Peace in Chaos

I LOVE carrying my lil PeaPie....I love wearing him. This photo was taken on Saturday. We were at my sister's house at a family reunion....ALL of my family was there....except my Man....I have 7 sisters and their men and our 16 kiddos plus my mom and dad....ALL of us and it was busy and loud and a lot was going on. So much that my PeaPie would not lay down for naps. I tried everything...nothing seemed to be working. So out came my Ergo and in Ren went. He drank a little milk, had a couple bites of snack and then I walked to a quieter corner of my sister's kitchen and swayed and rocked my lil Ren to sleep. I didn't want to walk out of the noise and happy chaos that was happening all around us...I didn't want him to wake if I walked from a quiet room to a loud one. ...He slept there against my heart for a hour or so....and I loved every moment of it. Ren is 17 months and a week now....and I don't get a chance to wear him very often or for very long...as he is always on the go....he's my busy busy bee....I am so grateful that I had my Ergo in the back of my car...that Ren was able to nap....and that I was able to quiet my heart and find peace in a happy chaotic day.

Do/Did you wear your babies...if so what is one of your favorite babywearing memories?

What a difference a year makes!

Oh my, how my heart fills and spills with love for this boy....my boy...my heart!



My Sweet PeaPie one year ago this past month...tasting his first foods and loving it....and then ONE year later enjoying Butternut Squash Puree with Parmesan Cheese over Pasta.



First time sitting in a highchair at a restaurant one year ago and here he is today....cleaning up a bowl of cheese sauce with some chips....not to mention licking the bowl clean!


Ren is a full 17 months and one day....whew he is almost 1 and 1/2...time she is flying and I am so very grateful that I am able to stay at home and watch Ren grow. He has an amazing vocabulary and is learning new words every day...Mama...Mama...Mama is by far my favorite....I always answer with Yes, Love? and sometimes he just grins and my heart it leaps and I can't help but to smile....and sometimes he asks for a snack or a book or his cuppa-cup. Ren loves Saushage and Eggs...he asks for them every morning and sometimes even gets the pans out...and when I ask him what he is doing he replies...Cook....What are you going to cook Ren? I ask....Saushage...Egg is his reply. And most days I just have to make him his saushage and egg...I mean how can I resist such a sweet request from my favorite boy?

We are reading lots and lots of books. Ren's favorite night time books are:
Going to Sleep on the Farm (he calls it How)
Goodnight Gorilla (GRilla)
Sometimes I like to Curl up in a Ball
On Noah's Ark (Ark)
Little By Little (the hardcover not the paperback...they are different)
Guess How Much I Love You
Where the Wild Things Are
The Going to Bed Book

Ren and I read through these books every night before he goes to sleep. We snuggle up on my bed....Ren settles into some soft pillows or lays on my belly or in the crook of my arm and we read...and read and sometimes read his favorite of the night several times. I love that he loves books....that he is already entranced by them.

I can only imagine what he will be like a year from now....I love this journey of being a Mama...of being his Mama...of loving Ren and watching him grow and learn and change!

What are/were some of your favorite night time books for your little ones?

Love and Marriage

I've been thinking about my love...my husband....my Man...and in that thinking comes the thinking of marriage and love and the wonder and beauty of this relationship (and not just mine...but many of the other wonderful marriage relationships that I am able to bear witness to). We have been married for 7 years, 7 months and 2 days my Man and I. And while our relationship has had its share of joys and sorrows...it has remained...a strong and sure place that we can turn to. Dealing with unknown infertility issues for 5 of those 7 years, moving to a distant and foreign country, grieving the loss of a failed adoption and enduring a number of separations have proven the strength and fortitude of our marriage. Choosing to only rely on each other and our relationships with God instead of turning to friends or family has been key for us. Because we married 6 weeks after we met in-person, the Man and I had a lot of learning about each other to do (which was a lot of fun and required a lot of grace on both ends) after we said I do.

The keen and wonder-ness and beauty about it all...that catches me in thought sometimes and gives me pause....is this;
This man that I married, that I pledged my life to...who I did not "know" (although I absolutely knew him) when I placed a ring on his finger and accepted one on mine...is my best friend, the one I want to lay in the dark next to and talk and dream and laugh and cry with and share my life...our life with all its ups and downs...this man that I did not even know he existed 7 years, 8 months and 10 days ago.
Isn't love and the choice of loving someone with your head as well as your heart grand?!
(This picture, the Man and I, Aug 2006, Mt. Nemrut, Turkey)

Time for change

Well.....it's time to change things up a bit. Not that I am no longer living in my own paradise but somehow that title just didn't seem to do it for me anymore. I AM however, living life by the handfuls....very generous handfuls. Sometimes those handfuls are a bit overwhelming and usually they keep me very busy....or as busy as I want to be. Mostly I want to be busy...SHHHH...it helps pass the time. And time...she is passing by...much too slow some days and others much to quickly! Can you believe that my lil PeaPie is 16 months old now? He is a walking and a talking and keeping me very busy....I live for naps and bath time.

This morning Ren wanted a bath in the middle of breakfast....so I put a lid on the cheesy scrambles and sausage and ran a bath so he could play. A nice cup of coffee for me (I am totally turning into a coffee drinker), some sweet tunes on Pandora and I got a bill paid and a facial! Whooohoooo....a great start to my Monday morning.

I've been working on a couple projects and will be posting pictures soon. I have some much stuff (in my head) that I would love to do...learn to do...become better at...and I have started working on some of it or have started organizing my thoughts so that I can work on them.

I hope you continue to visit me in this little space of mine. There are a bunch of you reading/following and I don't know you personally...I am so glad to see you....I would love to hear from you and get to know who you are....as well as answer any questions...or just hear from you what you would like to hear from me.