Wordless Wednesday V2

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Hope & A Crib

Ed and I started trying for a baby one year after we were married.  After trying for a year we met with a fertility specialist only to be diagnosed with unexplained infertility.  I was then put on a variety  of medications and shots and underwent a few very painful procedures. During this initial year of trying to conceive my sister sent me the crib and changing table that her children had outgrown.  I was grateful for the furniture and excited about the day that that small bed would be filled with my own children. Little did we know it would take us over five years to finally conceive. During that five year span we moved to three different duty stations (one being overseas) and the baby furniture moved with us. In each house it was stored in an extra room or large closet waiting the day that we would bring a little one home. The crib became a symbol of hope and heartache for me. Walking into the room where it was stored or opening the closet and seeing it, would bring me to my knees  somedays.  Going to a doctor after enduring shots, emotions caught up in a hormonal mess and the frustration of my own body "not working the way it should" and be told that the next appointment should be one of listening to a heartbeat and "everything is looking great you should be pregnant next time I see you"...to nothing...time and time and time again, is heartbreaking.

I still kept the crib though. I had a hope. I tied a knot on the string that I was clinging to and held on with all my might. I had dear friends who prayed with, cried with and hoped for me.  And then it happened. The two lines showed on the stick, we were having a baby...The joy of that hope fulfilled was indescribable. And now, three times over that crib has held my sleeping babies. Three different mobiles have hung over the bed, three different blankets and colors sets have adorned the sides of that crib.

This weekend I dismantled it, I cleaned the last set of crib sheets and wiped down the rails. As I was working on it I cried, I thought of the hope that felt so heavy and almost unbearable to me at times. I thought of my friends who answered my calls when I couldn't face the day on my own and invited me to sit on their couch and they mourned with and prayed with me.  I thought of my husband who stood beside me through the long years of infertility, he cried with me and hoped with me and was strength for me.  I thought of God's faithfulness and the hope that he had given me.  And while I know that we are done with babies for our family, I still mourn the ending of these chapters.

I packed the crib and changing table into my car on Saturday and dropped them off at a friends house.  A friend who adopted a baby girl...to give her a life full of hope and the promises of Christ.

Infertility is a part of my story. Moving an unused crib from duty station to duty station is a part of my story. I hope if you are experiencing infertility that you reach out to friends and hold tight to your hope string, let them comfort you when you mourn and let them pray with you.  I am certain that my story would have held more heartache if I had not opened myself and my hurts to trusted friends.

Bloglovin'

Follow my blog with Bloglovin .... I've just discovered  Bloglovin' and am excited to have a place to read and visit blogs that I follow (I know it's been around a while but I am a busy mama).  And there is a Bloglovin' App....and I triple heart useful apps! I hope you find me on there and follow me and my handsful of life!

I'm trying out something new and adding Bloglovin'. I hope you add me to your reading list!

Ren & Sam TKBTB V3

Do you ever feel like when you are talking to one of the guys in your life they are just not listening or fishing for an answer that will get them off the hook so they can go and do whatever it is that they were doing? That's my experience for The Kids Beyond The Blog Q&A with Ren and Sam this month.  I don't know how they know "the guy answers" maybe it's in their DNA.

Ren- my lil PeaPie is growing up!

1. What is something I always say to you? Yes and I love you.
2. What makes Mama happy? (Looking around) When I leave you alone and I'm playing electronics. That makes you happy and me happy. Can I play on the iPad now? (Guy Answer)
3. How do I make you laugh? By doing silly things when you check for eggs.
4. What do you enjoy doing with me? Going out on dates and getting ice cream.
5. What is my favorite thing to do? When you do your stuff for MOPS...I don't know...what is it really though?

Sam- So-So-Silly Sam

1. What is something I always so to you? Not to turn on electronics. (Guy Answer)
2. What makes Mama happy? When I give you kisses and I'm not whining. (Yes...not whining Sam...at least I now know that he knows...and I LOVE his kisses!)
3. How do I make you laugh? When you are doing funny things. (Guy Answer)
4. What do you enjoy doing with me? Going to the bowling ball place. (Guy Answer)
5. What is my favorite thing to do? I don't know...play on your laptop?

June's questions are all about their Daddy in honor of Father's Day...I can't wait to hear what they have to say!

Weeds

This past Sunday afternoon was a perfect weather day.  The skies were just overcast enough and it was cool and inviting outside, all day.  I have been eyeing my backyard flower beds and staring down the weeds that just seem to grow faster than anything else.  I grabbed my gloves and headed outside to enjoy the day.  My Ren came outside after a while to see what he could help me with why I was not inside and then promptly went back inside to get me his Weeds book. "Here Mama, read this so you know what is a weed and what is not."

This kid never ceases to amaze me. I asked him to look through the book and find the names for some of the weeds we have.  He was walking around flipping through the book and matching the pictures to weeds.  Isn't that the way it is sometimes? We need someone else to point out the weeds in our lives. The character in our heart that needs to be refined. For me, mama-hood is just that; my weed identifier.  Here I am thinking that I am doing ok with my heart, my life, my character and then...up pops a weed: an attitude, anger, resentment, frustration, yelling...all the things and all the ways I do not want to be.  I have to sit and pray and ask the Lord to pull these things out of me and fill the space with the Holy Spirit. I wish it was just that easy.....one pull and done. But it's not, the roots are crazy deep and wind every which way. Sometimes we don't identify the weed and it is allowed to grow and spread it's seed.

The good thing is that God is faithful. He searches our hearts and he knows us (Psalm 139) and he loves us with an unfailing love (Zephaniah 3:17).  Even when we have weeds growing too fast in the garden of our life; he is there. I am forever learning to let God garden my heart. For him to search me and know my heart. To be more like Jesus in all that I do; that's my goal. 

Linking up with Stephanie and these Tuesday Talk Hosts...

Ren & Sam TKBTB V2

Month two of talking with my boys for The Kids Behind The Blog Series.  I love these posts.  My boys are seriously so funny and deadpan honest about what they say.  Sam always begins every answer with UH...and Ren stops to think for a bit before he gives me an answer.  I made sure to ask them separately so they wouldn't be tempted to answer the same.  This months questions are:

1. What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?
2. Who is your favorite person?
3. When playing outside, what does your ideal sunny day plans look like?
4. What do you like to do when it's raining? (Since April showers bring May flowers)
5. If you could plant a garden of anything, what would you plant?

Ren-newly 7 years old!

1. What is your favorite thing to do with your friends? I do a lot with my friends, so I don't really know...play video games, go exploring, jump on the trampoline. He does do a lot with his friends...playing outside and exploring is what he usually does if the weather is nice. We don't have video games at our house but he does play with friends.
2. Who is your favorite person? You....You're my Mama! Be still my Mama-heart!
3. When playing outside, what does your ideal sunny day plans look like? Playing on the slip-n-slide, spraying water at my friends and grill hot dogs and roast marshmallows. Ever the jokester...Ren really will spray down his friends. We bought a slip-n-slide last summer and I know I will have to buy one when the weather warms up for sure! 
4. What do you like to do when it's raining? (Since April showers bring May flowers) I like to go outside and play in the mud. Once I come inside and get clean I would watch movies or shows. This kids has been known to take mud baths and dirt baths...it was a Yes Day!
5. If you could plant a garden of anything, what would you plant? Lollypops and all kinds of candy and corn.  Thank goodness Lollypops and candy does not grow in a garden...I would be in all kinds of trouble!

Sam-four months shy of three

1. What is your favorite thing to do with your friends? UH....Build Train Tracks. The tracks this kids has going on...thank goodness we have a big basement playroom.
2. Who is your favorite person? UH...Mema! This is my Mama and I know she is going to love reading this! Hi Mama... We Love you!
3. When playing outside, what does your ideal sunny day plans look like? UH....I would swing, slide and have picnic pizza. Picnic Pizza at the Swing & Slide (Playdate coming soon)!
4. What do you like to do when it's raining? (Since April showers bring May flowers) UH..... Put on my jacket and rain boots and jump in the water. Pretty much, this.every.time.
5. If you could plant a garden of anything, what would you plant? UH.....Salad and broccoli and carrots and spicy peppers. Who is this old man? Sam's nickname is Pop...this so fits him and his love of all foods...except spicy peppers...he does not eat those.

Be sure to check out all the Kids Behind The Blog!

Yes Days & the Magic of Childhood

When I remember days of my childhood I am certain that the sharpest memories are the days my Mama said YES to my sisters and I. Yes to playing in the mud, Yes to making caramel popcorn balls, Yes to lining the room with sheets from wall to wall for individual tents for my sisters and I, Yes to changing rooms (beds and everything) and roommates in the house, Yes to playing in the rain, Yes to decorating our room space how we wanted (oh the thumbtack holes that were in the walls and ceilings)...all these fun and fabulous memories of mine wrapped up in Yes Days and  Yes Moments. As a mother to my own wild things I see her Yes Days from a different perspective now. The extra work she had to do those days was plenty  (hello EIGHT girls) but the pay off was giggly, happy girls and every mama knows that nothing beats happy.  

We do Yes Days at my house and they are by far my favorite days; even though they usually mean more laundry (always more laundry).  A Yes Day is a day (or a hour or two) in which you say YES to whatever it is that your kids want: ice cream for breakfast- YES, a pillow fort involving every blanket, pillow, chair, sheet in the house- YES, wearing that shirt that mama can’t stand and they love- YES, playing in that rain/mud puddle- YES, a bubble bath in the middle of the day- YES, wearing those fairy wings or a full on superhero costume to the grocery and running errands- YES…etc, etc, etc.  My boys love Yes Days. They never know when they are going to happen (they don’t know that’s what I call them either) and I’m sure that Yes Days are going to be the magical glitter in their childhood memories, just like they are in mine.

Yes Days aren’t just for kids, they are for Mamas (and Daddies) too. A little afternoon nap instead of folding the laundry- YES, leaving the house an hour before GNO or other obligations to walk around a store of choice alone- YES (this is my yes of choice btw and I say yes for this every chance I get), staying up past when you should for a good book- YES, a long hot bath while catching up on your favorite show- YES, … etc, etc, etc.  Doing a little something that speaks life to you and brings you joy are important; they make me a better mama and I bet they will make you one too. I'd love to hear about your Yes Days, I'll bet you have them even if you don't give them a name.  Look for #Yesdays on my Instagram account...you will know if we are having one and what shananigans my wild things are up to!