3 weeks today...

My baby...he is sleeping right now...which is a good thing. He is sleeping in the bouncy chair, the same bouncy chair he slept so well in yesterday...the very same chair he would not sleep in last night. I don't understand this...this night thing....of not sleeping well. I worry it is that he is not getting enough breast milk, maybe I am not awake enough to ensure that he gets a full belly so he nibbles all night long....which makes for a tired Mama. I am okay by 10am usually...and then need an afternoon nap with him so I can do the nights. Hubby has taken to the guest room bed.....and I don't blame him...I worried about his sleep and it is better for me to stay in the room then try to get comfortable in the living room. So, today I am going to try to keep him up a little...not so many nice naps...maybe that will help his night sleeps. We do the whole bright lights, outdoor walks it's DAY TIME little one and then soft voices, low lights and not much interaction for night.

We head to the doc tomorrow to weigh in again. I am hoping and praying that Ren has gained the required 4 oz or more. He seems to be a growing and content baby...if he was not getting enough milkies than I am sure he would be a crying non-sleeping, not-content little boy.

Any advice..I've been reading lots....but you know babies don't come with an instruction manual and if they did...well every manual would have to be different. We are partly co-sleeping after the initial wake up around 1-2am Ren stays with me...but I worry about him sleeping with me and although I know that co-sleeping will work...the problem is that Ren is not getting sleep from that first wake up (1-2am) until 7 or 8 am. We are going to try the crib...with out the sleep positioner (it has a slight incline) for naps today.

So...yeah..any advice for this new tired mama? I sure would appreciate it.

19 days today!

7 Quick Takes (April 17)

1.
I did not know that breastfeeding would stress me out this much...I worry over Ren, I knew that as a Mama I would worry over him (that started the moment I knew I was pregnant). But with his weight at birth: 7pd 8oz, week 1: 6pds 10oz, week 2: 6pds 14oz...the doc said that his weight gain was slow but was not worried as long as he gained 1/2 oz a day. I just worry over him...getting enough milk, sleeping well, enough poo diapers...I have been praying over Ren and also for peace and Mama wisdom.

2.
My house is a mess...these floors need vacuumed and mopped, the bathrooms...the laundry...augh...I am keeping up with the dishes though and the recycling makes it to the correct containers in the garage. I am hoping to get in a groove here so that the housework does not seem so overwhelming.

3.
Ren is an easy baby so far...aside from just not sleeping well at night...he is pretty restless and does not stay down for more than 2 hours. So we have some snuggle time in the morning after he eats and I let him sleep on my chest....I so love this sweet time and know that it is fleeting.

4.
We bought the ingredients for the meals that I wanted to have made before Ren's arrival. Now to just carve out the time to make them. I am hoping that I can work on them one at a time during Ren's awake time in the afternoon. He is pretty content to sit in the bouncy chair and look around while I talk to him.

5.
Elliot is feeling a bit left out... he wants to get on the chair or ottoman when I am feeding Ren...I don't want him on the baby blankets...he just looks at me a little sad and curls up on the floor beside the chair. My sweet fur-baby...so sorry Elliot.

6.
Reading the blogs about sick babies and families that have lost their little ones....I just can't do it anymore...I know that this loss happens daily...I just get overwhelmed and stressed by it all.

7.
Oh and check out Jen at Conversion Diary.

this or this....

so...this is growing in my hallway....
Elliot is the only one here who does not want this mountain tackled....he is rather fond of this growing bed. My plan today was/is to reduce this mountain...then Hubby noticed a leaky faucet in the backyard and turned the water off....so instead I get this.....
Sweet baby... I love baby-gazing...this boy ...my son...he is so beautiful. Now if he would just get his days and nights straightened out. 1am-4am...hello..Mama, I don't want to sleep....rather Daddy...because thank goodness...Daddy has had 2weeks off and someone is making sure Mama gets a little sleep. But, Daddy heads back to work on Tuesday...my sweet boy will be two weeks by then....and we have to figure this out.
Trying to get this Mama thing down....stressing about breast feeding, Ren's weight gain, getting enough sleep, little bit of jaundice to work itself out, just wanting to be a good Mama...
I felt like I had failed Ren somehow when his one week weight was 6 pds 10 oz, his birth weight was 7pds 8 oz, a couple more oz lost than the doc likes to see...we go in again on Wednesday for another weigh in...in the meantime this Mama is working hard to make sure this boy eats...and eats long enough to get the hinds milk.
I know we will get this and figure it all out and Ren will be a fat little baby in no time and I will get my Mama-legs under me...in the mean time...
I will just do some peaceful baby-gazing and enjoy my cuddle-bug....

6 Days New

I've been waiting to wear this guy on the outside for 9 months...He loved the Baby K'tan wrap and so did I!

Sweet Surprise

BOTH my boys are sleeping...
Who knew that after my last post on the 30th that I would have my sweet baby the next day? I sure didn't! Needless to say the 10 other things on my To Do list are still To Do, although I did get the wall hanging up in the nursery! And those fabulous dinners I hoped to have waiting for a hungry hurried day in the freezer...not so much...but that is okay...in exchange I received this....
Ren was born at 11:57 am on Tuesday, 31 March...weighing in at 7pds 8oz and 19.5 inches long. He decided to arrive 10 days before his due date...which was okay by me....except I still have that To Do list...I guess I will always have a To Do list.
So Monday night...after hanging the nursery wall hanging, making dinner, cleaning the kitchen and fretting over The List and how much time I had left...my water broke...it was around 11pm. So a call to my Mama...for prayer, a call to the hospital to verify that I should head in, a bag to pack, dogs to let out and in and a hubby to wake...started this whole birth experience. We settled into L&D around 2am, IV started...I was not dilated at all...I could only think that this was going to be a loooong day (you know they say 1st births are looooong). 6am...not quite 2 cm...drugs upped, lights dim, Hubby sleeping...me praying...for strength, wisdom and peace. 8am doc comes to see me...drugs upped again...3 cm...this is going to be a long day...that is all I could think of...I need to keep my strength up..rest...so I asked for something to take the edge off. In and out with contractions...Hubby counting with me, watching the rolling hills on the monitor...encouraging me...loving me. 10am no check...the pain was getting intense, still bearable but not quite able to rest anymore. I thought...Oh ...I am going to be in labor until tonight at least and this pain is only going to increase...I don't know if I can take that...it might be too much...so I asked for the epidural. Hoping for some relief by 11am. Well, 11am came and went..."you are next in line...there are a couple who requested ahead of you"...okay...so breathe..count....squeeze my Man's hand....11:20am...no more rolling hills now spiky plateaus...the pain...oh.my.god... it felt like someone was wringing my body out and trying to tear it in two at the same time. 11:30am..."we just need to get this other bag of fluid in you...you are next for the epidural"...11:45am "honey I need to check you and see how far you are before they can do the epidural"... ARE YOU KIDDING ME...the bed goes flat..the pain shoots up. Wide eyed nurse exclaims..."you are ready to deliver this baby"! I lose it...crying, screaming (yes..I was that scary lady screaming in the delivery room) I am not ready...mentally not ready...Get it together...we can do this...we can do this...he is almost here...just 10 more minutes..and after 1 minute then only 9 more to go...then 8...I can do this. Doc comes in...people scrambling around preparing the room. Okay time to push...Roll up like a ball...deep breath...I remember...A Baby Story...I can do this...5 pushes and Ren is on my chest. Sweet relief...HE.IS.BEAUTIFULl! I can't believe that I have done this...that he was living and growing inside of me. And my Hubby...my CHAMPION...he took such sweet care of me..even though he was just as scared as I was.
So we are home..adjusting, gazing at this boy in wonderment...tag teaming for sleep...requiring patience as we learn him. This is wonderful!