I come to this space often and stare at the empty screen in front of me.....New Post....I know it is there...waiting inside of me, swirling, tumbling all day long and then keeping me up at night...thoughts....waiting for time, to sit and spill and type. And that time has been alluding me lately...I know I have the time...I've just been using it for something else. So, I am going to try and purposefully take the time to sit and spill more often.
We are 47 days into hubs deployment...we have (approx) 216 days to go...yikes! We were blessed to see him for 2.5 days this past weekend and when he prepared to leave...my heart...it swelled with tears...tears that I do not cry, he has to go.... anyway... and I don't like to cry...So I put on a brave face and kissed him and hugged him and held him tight and told him I love him and I will see him soon. Hopefully as soon as next month...right before he leaves the country. Some friends have said to me that they don't know how I do it....I kinda just shrug and smile....this is his job, it's what he does and so being with-out him becomes my job, it's what I do. While he is still just a time zone away it is a lot easier...to know that he is not in danger and that if I needed to reach him that he really is just a phone call away. So next month when that changes and he "hops the pond" my mind set will change...the way I approach my day will change...I know... I will feel a little more fragile but at the same time a lot stronger too....thankfully for now...he is just a phone call away.
So, I guess that is something that I am going to write about here...how I deal...among other things...
That and life with my sweet Babe....who is 42 days from completing his first year! I can hardly take that in. I knew that this time would fly by...of that I had no doubts or disillusionment...and time she did not betray me...she flew...but I relished...every moment as they came and then went. I have a journal for Ren...a for goodness real paper and leather journal so that I can pen his story for him....write of his days...how it all started and then how it goes...on and on and on...and I hope...please Nili fingers crossed.... that I can remember to keep it open with a pen in the pages...and write his words, his actions, his smiles, the ever changing color of his eyes, of his new little pearly teeth...those glorious shaky first steps and the first time he says love you....everything....and then one day when I am old...and there are a couple stacks of paper and leather...I can gift it to him. Daily I am overwhelmed...that I am A MAMA.....when I nurse him to sleep and after he is done nursing I sit in the darkened room holding his sweet growing sleeping self and I marvel and thank God and cry a bit of wonderfilled, happy, overwhelmed...my.God.I.love.this.boy. tears...I am so blessed to be his Mama...to watch him grow and smile and embrace and explore this wide world we live in. What a wonder this journey of life is.....I hope to share a bit more of it with you!